We are pleased to announce that the Republican Party is opening up applications for Arizonans to become leaders in their communities. Though the salary is minimal, the hours are relatively short. Per diem expenses are provided and once elected, opportunities for extra curricula payments and subsidies will become available to ambitious candidates. Educational qualifications need only to be minimal. We do NOT require any knowledge or understanding of anything scientific. A strong confident speaking voice is vital. Candidates will be tested for their ability to hold forth on any subject using words and ideas which are purely rhetorical. Any personal moral beliefs must be set aside. As little understanding of American history would be helpful. Illiteracy is an asset. Speeches and handouts will be written for you. Young male candidates with strong libidos, rich family connections and no moral compass will take precedence. Female candidates with silly ideas may apply. This exciting opportunity should open up long term career prospects in a host of different commercial enterprises. Come join the Republican Party of Arizona.