Alan S. Austin
Arizona Playwright • Writer • Poet
  

REPUBLICAN OLYMPICS (8/04)

When it comes to the Olympics of Fear, Republicans are way out there in the lead. They have already won Gold Medals in a whole series of categories. Today in the Fear of Crime, the cartoonist Ramirez was first past the post. A great toothy shark was about to devour those silly people who want to make police responsible for the number of people they shoot. In the Fear of Marxists heat, the new Republican candidate for Governor, the beautiful Kari Lake, who promises to "never kneel to the Marxist mob that seeks to destroy our great nation" is catching up to Mark Levin who has all Democrats beautifully labelled as "Neo-Marxists." In the Fear of Foreigners heat, Paul Gosar is neck and neck with his colleagues in Texas swearing that "The Biden administration has literally and figuratively opened the gates and is waving hundreds of thousands of criminals into our country. We are looking at 2 million criminals being let in this year alone. On top of over 30 million already here." He should make the final. There's still some doubt about who is going to represent the US in the Fear of China race but plenty of good candidates. Always Vote Republican, the Party which fears losing elections.